Payton was born on the seventh of January and her big brother's birthday was on the thirteenth. leaving our baby girl behind while she was being cared for in the NICU. Our world was turned upside down and I'm not sure we even realized what was happening.

and I remember saying to them, 'You think she has Down syndrome.' I remember the doctors coming to my room and telling us that there were a few things they were watching. I remember sitting there silent, with tears running down my cheeks. I remember them wheeling me through the NICU so that I could take a peek at my baby girl. I remember them telling me they would have to take her to the NICU for observation, while I was left without my baby. I remember them taking Payton off to the side of the room, rubbing her and blowing air over her face. I remember asking the doctor why she was purple, only to see a team of doctors and nurses rush into the delivery room. it seemed that I was the only one concerned. I remember when they laid her on my tummy in her seriously dusky state. I don't remember much in this life, but I remember every single detail of her birth day. wanting to go the extra mile to celebrate her life, while thoughts of her birth continuously linger in my head.

Her birthday is always an emotional day for me. Maybe it seems silly, but I love having this space to look back on with my kids. and the thought of somehow trying to catch up is impossible. That alone overwhelms me, because that is nearly four years of our life that I have not documented. Somehow it has been nearly four years since I visited this little corner of the interweb.

We are are perfectly imperfect song